“The Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy”
By
Robin Foale 31/5/2013
A shot of the stars in space.
NARRATOR:
For those of you who didn’t bother to read the title of this
film, sat in the wrong theatre, got a case of sudden amnesia or merely snuck in,
let me be the first to tell you to get out before I call security. For those of
you however, who didn’t sneak in and bought your tickets fairly then let me
introduce you to the title of this film.
Suddenly the title of the movie appears
in big gold letters alongside a blast of triumphant music.
NARRATOR:
Not bad is it? Cost us half the
budget but I do believe it looks rather spiffing.
‘The Hitch Hikers Guide to the Galaxy’ is the story of a book,
not an Earth book, never published on Earth, and until the great catastrophe
occurred, never seen or even heard of by any Earthman. Sorry, there’s me
getting ahead of myself. It begins with a house.
The camera tilts to look down at
Earth before zooming in through the clouds and into view of the United Kingdom.
It continues to zoom down on a small house in the middle of a large field. The
camera places itself on the ground, silence, then a foot slams onto a daisy with
a loud thud before marching towards the house.
Cut to a man fast asleep in his bed.
A collection of eviction letters addressed to Arthur Dent cover the top of his
alarm clock which then starts to play ‘It’s the end of the world as we know it’
by R.E.M. The man in pyjamas gets up sluggishly and proceeds to turn off the
alarm. He gets up, a quick glimpse of a yellow bulldozer can be seen outside, ‘JAWS’
like with the music from that film accompanying it. The man walks into the bathroom
and scrubs his teeth, putting a towel on his shoulder.
ARTHUR DENT:
Yellow…
He passes a small mirror which
catches another glimpse of the yellow bulldozer, followed by the music from ‘JAWS’
again. He walks down the stairs and into
the kitchen. Boiling the kettle he opens the fridge in front of a window with
nothing outside. However, when he takes the milk out and closes it a bulldozer
can be seen on the horizon. The ‘JAWS’ music builds up in the background.
ARTHUR DENT:
Yellow?
The kitchen suddenly starts to shake
and before the man can even put the cup to his lips its handle snaps and the
cup falls and breaks on the floor. The man snaps out of his tired state as the music
stops.
ARTHUR DENT:
YELLOW!!!
Running outside his house the man
waves a towel in his hands trying to stop the bulldozer. Yelling inaudibly as
it runs over his patio of gnomes in the front garden. Finally the man unable to
think of another method dives into the mud on the ground just outside his door
and shakes as the bulldozer finally stops close to him whilst another voice can
be heard telling the bulldozer to stop. The voice belongs to a large fat man in
a business suit and fur hat, the owner of the foot seen trampling the daisy
earlier.
MR L
PROSSER:
Come off it, Mr Dent, you can’t win, you know. You can’t lie
in front of the bulldozer indefinitely.
ARTHUR DENT:
Why’s it got to be built?
MR L
PROSSER:
It’s a bypass. You’ve got to build bypasses.
ARTHUR DENT:
First I’ve heard of it.
Scoffing Prosser pats his hand on the
bulldozer.
MR L
PROSSER:
Have you ANY idea how much damage this bulldozer would suffer
if I let it roll straight over you?
ARTHUR DENT:
How much?
MR L
PROSSER:
None at all.
Prosser walks off. Sighing Arthur
turns his head to be confronted by another man in odd overalls lying in the mud
alongside him. He seems to have appeared from nowhere and has a wide smile on
his face.
FORD
PREFECT:
Hello Arthur!
ARTHUR DENT:
AH! FORD!? What are you…?
FORD
PREFECT:
Are you busy?
ARTHUR DENT:
Am I busy!?
FORD
PREFECT:
We’ve got to talk.
ARTHUR DENT:
Talk?
FORD
PREFECT:
And drink! It’s vitally important that we talk and drink. Now.
We’ll go to the pub in the village.
ARTHUR DENT:
What? No! I can’t! I’ve got a bulldozer in front of my house
that will knock it down if I don’t lie here.
FORD
PREFECT:
Well, they can do it while you’re away, can’t they?
ARTHUR DENT:
I don’t want them to!
FORD
PREFECT:
Ah…
In the distance Prosser can be seen
listening into their conversation. He tries to use this situation to his
advantage and calls to them.
MR L
PROSSER:
It’s not a particularly nice house!
ARTHUR DENT:
I’m sorry, but I happen to like it.
FORD
PREFECT:
He’s got a point you know…
MR L
PROSSER:
You’ll like the bypass!
ARTHUR DENT:
Oh shut up! Shut up and go away. And take your bloody bypass
with you. You haven’t got a leg to stand on and you know it! …I’m game, we’ll
see who rusts first!
The camera changes from Arthur’s smug
expression to him flailing in the arms of four large men who each hold onto one
of his arms or legs. They then drop him to the ground and proceed to walk off
just as the bulldozer caves through the house.
Ford then walks up to the devastated
Arthur and pats him on the shoulder, smiling.
FORD
PREFECT:
You’re going to need a stiff drink.
Cut to the pub where Arthur just
stares at his drink gobsmacked and Ford grins wildly.
Personal Analysis:
Overall I am rather pleased with my work as I have never written a screen play before and felt I did rather well.
I deliberately swapped around the dialogue in places and even added some at the beginning for the purpose of introducing the movie which I felt matched the original writer's tone and humour. I did also change the ending of the scene as I wanted my screen play to differ from the TV or movie adaptation that already existed. I also felt that the reason why Arthur left his house in the book was not realistic and not something a human would do even in a comedy. In fact his reason for leaving in the movie was also changed to them distracting the demolition workers with alcohol. Thus showing that the book has been adapted in many different ways.
Plus I only had four pages to work with compared to the fourteen pages of the extract. Therefore I would hope audiences would get something that is similar to the other screen based example whilst still feeling as if they are wathcing something new and fresh.
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